she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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