I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
