no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
