you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You ruined the universe
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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