I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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