I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
