I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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