Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
