Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
