apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
