she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize