it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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