Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
