im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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