It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
