Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this just has baby written all over it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
