FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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