i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
