Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
