Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
