sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize