Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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