Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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