My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
