Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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