i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
