so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
