when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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