Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
