Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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