i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
