It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
