somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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