Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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