Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
