Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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