i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
