Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
