You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
