I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
