I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
