Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
