Betty ford says i'm here all night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
