dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
