..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
