we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm always down for nudity.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
