Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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