that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Randomize
