I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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