Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
