She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
