I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
