I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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