I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize