apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
