To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
