Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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