Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
