pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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