yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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