smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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