take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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