i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize