Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
