There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
