did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
