Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
