i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
