oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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