Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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