Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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