My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
