i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
