I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
