Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
