she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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