Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
