Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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