You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
