i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
