is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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