How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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