a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
