I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
